Memory Box

One thing that I wanted to make sure of was to keep special memories from Hazelnut's childhood.  Not every memory, but certain ones that stick out.  I also know my limits, and that creating scrapbook pages by hand every month is just not going to happen. So once a year I make a family photo book (more about that on a future date) in a coffee table style book.  I also keep another photo album with 4x6 prints.  Why?  Because when she's in kindergarten & needs to bring a picture of her as a baby, I don't want to be pulling out external hard drives looking for the pictures, then running to Wal-Mart at midnight to pick up the prints.

I digress.

But some things just can't be stored in a flat album or fit into a 4x6 sleeve.  For those, I have this box.

 

Someone gave it to us for a baby shower gift, and it's been very useful!

I've majorly slacked off on things to put in there after her first birthday.  So many big things happen in that first year-- hospital bracelets, birth announcements, first visit to Santa, birthday cards, cake smash session... the list goes on & on!  I also saved handwritten notes, and the little foam letters you see on the left- H F.  Those were in a gift bag from a breastfeeding group I went to.  They're not really useful, except that they are a vivid reminder of what life was like during those first 10 months of working so hard to nurse.  Looking at those letters brings it all back like a tidal wave.

But one problem--- nothing else fits!  Luckily, one of her birthday gifts this year gave in this cute box.  It's very sturdy & perfect for the job!  

How do you keep track of memories?  Do you put too much pressure on yourself for not doing it enough?  I seriously love the memory box because it's so low pressure.  Just toss the memory in & you're done!

I also have one full of love notes & cards from when Josh & I were dating.  We should have kept it up through marriage but life got a bit busy.  I love looking back on those notes!

Love who you are.

Comparison is the thief of joy. -Theodore Roosevelt

There are a lot of contradicting messages out there to soak in.  Pinterest is full of amazing decorations, parties, lunches, etc.  There are countless blog posts from moms practically bragging that they don't have it all together... that their house is messy & their kids ate Doritos for dinner.  And don't even get me started on parenting tirades covering everything from infant sleep to breastfeeding to discipline.

Here's the thing.  I'm definitely not an 'everyone gets a trophy' type of person, but sometimes, that's just the way it is. This world needs all types, so please, find your type & go with it!

Love who you are.

And instead of cutting someone else down or making it seem uncool... appreciate it.  Appreciate them.  Celebrate whatever it is.

If you are great at decorating, awesome.  Please always take pictures & post them on Pinterest!  Yes, be a show off.  Be proud of yourself.  And the rest of us need to cheer you on.

Is you house constantly messy?  Are you okay with it?  If so, then embrace it.  Don't skip over posting a cute picture of your kid because the background is messy.  Your kid is cute, so celebrate it.  And the rest of us need to celebrate it, too.

Is your kid not sleeping?  Sure-- search the interwebs for some ideas!  But also, remember that every kid is different.  I found a method that worked absolutely wonderful for my kid and yes, I would highly suggest you use it for yours.  But you may choose another route & that's okay.  It's the beauty of having your own kid-- you get to craft him/her into a tiny human that you like.

I could go on & on.  Every mom could.  It's a constant barrage of messages we're met with each day. 

So I'm working to do my part & I hope you do, too!  What's your part, you ask?

Each time I feel myself thinking too much about something, I think of a way to celebrate it. 

Does someone's Facebook post bother you?  Find a way to celebrate.  See a friend who just had a baby & looks amazing?  (WAY more amazing than you ever did after having a baby?)  Celebrate it.  Share in her joy.  Really truly celebrate.

Comparison is the thief of joy because there is no comparison.  We're just not all the same.  You can't compare yourself to an 18 year old version of you, or a 34 year old version of anyone else.

Love who you are.

Celebrate others.

You ARE Supermom.

I see a lot of blog posts these days encouraging moms.  You don't have to be super mom!  You're doing a great job!  I know you're tired-- your work does not go unnoticed!

But what happens when you don't have any other choice?

Sure, there are plenty of moms who go over & beyond to make special teacher gifts & the perfect birthday invitation or Halloween costume.  But what about the mom who doesn't have time for any of that because she's simply trying to survive?  Trying to put food on the table & make sure her 4 year old isn't home alone while she's at work?

You ARE Supermom.

As a mom, I have it pretty easy.  I have a great kid who is pretty easy going, a caring husband who actively parents, cleans the house, etc, and plenty of helpful babysitters.  We even have someone to do some housework a few times a month. I also own a business, do marketing for another business, and volunteer at church.

I am BUSY, y'all.  I am tired.  Worn out.  If I quit anything I will be letting tons of people down.

But seriously... there are a zillion moms who have it way harder than me.  Every single time I pass our daughter off to my husband because I can't get her to stop crying, screaming, or if she just needs that stern daddy discipline that he's so good at, I think to myself, Single moms don't have this luxury.  They don't get this little reprieve.  What would I do if he simply wasn't here?

Or better yet, how would I pay the bills if he wasn't here?  Not only would I have this screaming kid, but I'd also be worried about how to pay the rent, buy groceries, school supplies, etc.

I wish I had the answer to fix it all.  A little twitch of the nose to take away those troubles.

I can't do that, but I can promise you... you ARE Supermom!

Sometimes surviving is all we can do.  Maybe your kid is wearing hand-me downs & worn out shoes, eating spaghetti most nights and spending every afternoon with his grandparents so you can work.  Keep it up, Supermom.  You are doing whatever it takes to provide.  To survive.  And that is valuable.  Your child is seeing your hard work & learning from you.

Smile.  You are Supermom, and you are already doing it all.

I tend to over-think things...

So I decided to sign Hazelnut up for gymnastics.  It was a hard decision.  This is what's been running through my head this past month:

1) I want her to do gymnastics!
2) Is she too young?
3) Yes, she's too young.  I don't want to be that parent.
4) People keep telling me I should sign her up for gymnastics-- people that don't even know I was considering it!
5) She loves to tumble & she falls really well.
6) Yes, I should sign her up.
7) Am I only signing her up because I always wanted to do gymnastics when I was little? (Which I did, but not until I was in upper elementary school.)
8) No, I'm not going to do it.  She shouldn't have to do gymnastics just because I like it.
9) More people suggested I sign her up for gymnastics.
10) Am I losing my mind?
11) I've put way too much thought into this silly thing.
12) It's pretty cheap.
13) She's too young.
14) More people suggest that she would be good at gymnastics.

So yes, in the end, I decided that I think we'll go for it.  It's not like I'm throwing her in competitive gymnastics 6 days a week at 18 months.  We're doing an hour a week in a mommy & me style class.  We'll have fun & see if we want to sign up again the next time around.  Hazelnut enjoys when we go on outings like this, so I'm sure this will be fun for her as well!

And yes, I'm entirely aware that I put way too much thought into this decision.  See #10 & #11 above!

Easy Hair Bow Solution

Hair bows all over the house quickly became a problem for us, so I set out to make a solution.  I bought this frame from Goodwill for a few bucks & used some paint I had on hand.  I've seen things like this around & they seemed easy enough... and it was!

Then I attached some cute ribbons & voila-- done!

It was seriously one of the easiest projects I've ever done.  And it's great!  I suggest getting a large frame, as we filled it up almost instantly.  You can also attach hooks to the bottom for hair rubber bands & such to hang off of.

I would suggest using nails to attach the ribbons.  I didn't have any, so I used thumb tacks & they worked fine.  

Dear New Mama: It Gets Better

When Hazelnut was a few weeks old I remember thinking, "Wow, it got better."  Things weren't awesome, but I finally got a bit of a handle on this whole 'raising a baby' thing.  I remember thinking, "I need to tell every new mama this!  I can't believe it actually got better!"

So to the new mamas out there... don't worry... it gets better.

I've made a point to say that to all the new mamas about a week or so after their child is born.  When we chat & I can hear the weariness in her voice... that's when I make sure to say, "It gets better."

The sigh of relief I hear afterwards.  The "oh my goodness... thank the good Lord..." sigh.

It gets better.

And sixteen months in?  It just keeps getting better!  At first, you're just getting to a survival state.  But after that... you soar!  Yeah, it keeps getting tougher, too.  But the good keeps getting better.

You see, you're tired & totally worn out now.  But soon, he'll be rolling over.  And then crawling.  And then that glorious day when he grabs onto your leg and doesn't let go.  Man, that's a great feeling!

Yes, it gets better.  :)

Survival. What I really felt the first 10 months of motherhood.

Sixteen months.  That's how old Hazelnut is now.  Looking back, I can't believe I lived through those first 10 months!  In a lot of ways, it was easy.  We bonded well & she got into a great schedule that worked really well for her.  She's generally a happy kid & is completely adorable.  No major sickness, either, which is huge!

But then on the other hand, it was really tough.  Mommy guilt was (and still is!) awful.  Terrible.  I tried to keep it at bay, but it was really hard.  Guilt that I couldn't get her to nurse.  Guilt that I didn't make enough milk.  Guilt that I couldn't hold her because I was pumping.  Guilt that I was playing online while pumping instead of looking at her.  Guilt that she had formula.  Guilt that I just wasn't sure what formula was best & hadn't done enough research to make a well-informed decision.  Guilt that I watched my favorite TV show instead of playing with her.  Guilt that it felt nice when she went down for a nap.  Guilt that I didn't have a 5 course meal prepared for her after her nap.

You get the idea.

It wasn't rational guilt.  It was all really high-strung emotions.  I was an emotional wreck for 10 months straight.  I remember driving in the car more than once & thinking "I shouldn't be driving right now.  I'm not in a good mental state."

My head was in a fog for 10 months straight.  I'm not really sure what it was.  I wasn't sad or depressed.  I had a great bond with Hazelnut, and I felt very loved & surrounded with support.  Overwhelming amounts of support from friends & family!  And Hazelnut slept through the night, so it wasn't from a lack of sleep.  I was just in a constant fog.  I couldn't think clearly.  I was just going through the motions of life.  Just trying to get through & make it until the next day without totally falling apart.

I also didn't lose any baby weight during this time.  I felt gross & fat all the time.  Constantly on the verge of tears.  I had friends that quickly lost all their weight, breastfed easily, and went on about their lives.  I felt like I'd just left the hospital.

I'd planned to take one month for maternity leave.  After a week I called my boss in tears & asked for an extra month, which she quickly agreed to, thankfully.

At 3 months I remember thinking, "I shouldn't still be in a fog."

At 6 months I started to feel it lift a little.  I started to feel just a little bit like myself again.  Just a glimpse.

At 10 months I finally threw in the towel with nursing.  I'd made it so far, fighting tooth & nail for every single ounce.  I felt far more overwhelmed than I did the night we brought Hazelnut home.  I just couldn't do it anymore.

And then it started to lift.  Little by little, the fog started to clear.  It still took months.  And crazy enough, I'm just now really feeling like myself.  She's sixteen months old!

Honestly, I've never heard of anyone else dealing with this, but I'm sure I'm not the first one.  So mama... if this is you, hang in there.  It does get better.  The fog will lift one day.

I still haven't lost all the weight... I'm 17 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  And writing all this down really brought back a flood of emotions.  But I survived.  I'm here.  And the fog is lifting.

Sigh of Relief & Independent Playtime

So last night while I lay awake from midnight - 4am, I did some reading.  When Hazelnut was a baby we followed Baby Wise, mostly, when it came to schedules & such & we loved it!  As with any child-rearing method, we read it, and then applied it with our own child's needs in mind.  Every child is different, and no single book can cover everyone.  But I hadn't read the toddler books in the series.  As Hazelnut is growing & testing limits, throwing fits, etc, we want to make sure that we're responding appropriately to guide her towards learning what is or isn't acceptable and everything that comes along with that.

At any rate, I went to a website of a woman who writes a ton of information on it & read up about Hazel's age group.

Most of the stuff we're actually already doing, which is cool.  I'd been feeling like this age is a transition more than anything, and that's pretty much what she wrote about.  Transitioning from foods prepared just for baby to eating what everyone else eats, starting to spoon feed herself, starting to say words.  She talked about expecting unpredictable behavior, expecting your child to test her limits, beginning to teach acceptable behaviors, picking & choosing your battles, and not freaking out if your child isn't hungry during a meal or doesn't like a certain food.

Honestly, it was a sigh of relief at 3am.  I've been a very worn out momma lately & felt like I wasn't doing a good job.  Sure, my kid is alive, fed, and generally happy, but there's a lot more to life that just getting through it.  We worked very hard when Hazelnut was a baby to figure out a schedule that worked best for her-- one where she would sleep well, eat well, and be happy during her awake time.  I loved knowing that she was getting enough rest & was enjoying her little life.  And as silly as it sounds, I was scared that we were throwing all of that out the window & were starting to raise a little hellion.  I mean, the girl can throw a fit if she wants to.  It's still pretty cute right now, but I know the cuteness factor in her fits is about to go away!  So it was nice to read that I wasn't throwing it all away-- that the things we had been doing because it seemed logical, were the same things that other parents had done & had worked well for them in the future.

The one thing I hadn't been specific about was what is called independent playtime.  It's a period of time each day that the child plays on her own.  For this age (16 months) they suggest setting it up in a baby-proofed room where the child can't see the parent.  I'm not particularly keen on that, but Hazel plays pretty well on her own, so we tried it in the living room while I got some work done in the same room.  They suggest working up to an hour of independent play per day.  With the exception of changing her dirty diaper & reading a book she brought to me, she's been playing for an hour by herself!  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with her being an only child, but it's so fun to watch her out of the corner of my eye.  She's testing her own limits, practicing balance (albeit, by standing on her rocking chair), and figuring out new ways to play with toys.

And?  I don't feel so guilty about getting things done.  I was starting to get into a cycle of guilt because I wasn't playing with her every waking hour.  Truth is, she does need me to play with her.  But she also enjoys playing by herself as well.  Exploring within her own limits.  She has a wonderful natural independence about her & I want to encourage that.  She definitely gets it from her daddy, and I love that about him!

I'm also thinking that this extra time will be great to get into some more parenting books.  One friend who I admire for her parenting skills & well behaved children suggested "Growing Kids Gods Way" so I'm definitely going to check that out, too!

Any other books that you've felt were very helpful starting in the toddler years?

When a Parent is Sick.

I read this article yesterday about moms & being sick.  We totally dealt with this last week in our house!  

My husband was sick.  I was about to head to work.  So here were our choices:

A) Husband stays home, Hazelnut goes to the sitter, I go to work.

B) Husband stays home, Hazelnut stays home, I go to work.

Seems like not a big deal, but the thing is, if I were to be sick, it wouldn't be a question-- Hazelnut wouldn't go to the sitter.

You see, I work part time outside of the home, so she goes to the sitter during my work hours.  So it feels like we get a sitter "for while I'm at work."

When we realized the contradiction we were facing, my husband just decided to go to work.

Ha!

Seriously... going to work feeling awful was preferable to making that type of decision.

I have to say, I have quite the amazing husband.  He's not one of those wimpy guys that holes up when he has a cough.

And truthfully, I'm glad he decided to go to work-- I didn't want to make the decision either!

What do you do when a kid is sick?

One Year... We've Survived a Year! Part 2

Check out Part 1 here.

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And now... birth pictures!  Ahhh... memory lane.  All pictures are from Megan Boyles Photography.

Our doula-- she was with us every step of the way, bless her heart!

I absolutely adore these pictures of Josh & Hazel.  Totally wrapped around her little finger!

The stockings were hung on the bookshelf withOUT care.

It's true.  My stockings are hung on the bookshelf.  And they were put there without much care or thought.

December is the busiest month of the year in our house in every facet of our lives.  Josh has the Christmas Eve services at church which are beyond what most people can imagine a church service would entail.  I do marketing for Chick-fil-A in a mall.  Anyone ever shopped at the mall this time of year?  Craziness!  And then there's photography.  Guess when everyone & their brother wants pictures?  Right before Christmas of course.  It is hands down the busiest time of year.  Not complaining-- it is a total blessing & I love every minute of it!

As if that weren't enough on our plates, we have Christmas parties galore.  And oh my are the ever fun.  Then there's Christmas shopping, wrapping, decorating, finding the perfect outfit.  And... this year we have a lively 10 month old to join in on all the fun, which requires an insane amount of prep & clean up to do anything (Can you hear that?  Mom's of multiple kids are laughing right now).

We were out of town for Thanksgiving & when we got back I couldn't wait to put our Christmas decorations up!  We bought a new tree-- a tall & skinny one that actually fits in our apartment, and I already had present to put under it, as I had been buying all year long this year.

But the reality was, I was tired.  Our house was messy.  I had a to-do list a mile long.

So I pushed some of the books further back in the bookshelf & hung our stockings.  I only had hangers for two, so Hazel's is held in place by a heavy book.  Classy.

  

It's a shame really.  I had big dreams for our stockings.  All three were handmade.  And the more I look at them, Josh's and Hazel's are nearly identical.  Extremely cool considering I think they were made by two different people, 28 years apart.

But that's okay.  Not every year is going to be a magical tale, and I'm okay with that.  I'm not super mom, and I'm at peace with that, too.  My goal isn't to perfect every detail of every holiday or event.  My goal is to help our little girl to grow up loving God & others.  And I'm pretty sure the placement of the stockings have nothing to do with that.