Love who you are.

Comparison is the thief of joy. -Theodore Roosevelt

There are a lot of contradicting messages out there to soak in.  Pinterest is full of amazing decorations, parties, lunches, etc.  There are countless blog posts from moms practically bragging that they don't have it all together... that their house is messy & their kids ate Doritos for dinner.  And don't even get me started on parenting tirades covering everything from infant sleep to breastfeeding to discipline.

Here's the thing.  I'm definitely not an 'everyone gets a trophy' type of person, but sometimes, that's just the way it is. This world needs all types, so please, find your type & go with it!

Love who you are.

And instead of cutting someone else down or making it seem uncool... appreciate it.  Appreciate them.  Celebrate whatever it is.

If you are great at decorating, awesome.  Please always take pictures & post them on Pinterest!  Yes, be a show off.  Be proud of yourself.  And the rest of us need to cheer you on.

Is you house constantly messy?  Are you okay with it?  If so, then embrace it.  Don't skip over posting a cute picture of your kid because the background is messy.  Your kid is cute, so celebrate it.  And the rest of us need to celebrate it, too.

Is your kid not sleeping?  Sure-- search the interwebs for some ideas!  But also, remember that every kid is different.  I found a method that worked absolutely wonderful for my kid and yes, I would highly suggest you use it for yours.  But you may choose another route & that's okay.  It's the beauty of having your own kid-- you get to craft him/her into a tiny human that you like.

I could go on & on.  Every mom could.  It's a constant barrage of messages we're met with each day. 

So I'm working to do my part & I hope you do, too!  What's your part, you ask?

Each time I feel myself thinking too much about something, I think of a way to celebrate it. 

Does someone's Facebook post bother you?  Find a way to celebrate.  See a friend who just had a baby & looks amazing?  (WAY more amazing than you ever did after having a baby?)  Celebrate it.  Share in her joy.  Really truly celebrate.

Comparison is the thief of joy because there is no comparison.  We're just not all the same.  You can't compare yourself to an 18 year old version of you, or a 34 year old version of anyone else.

Love who you are.

Celebrate others.

You ARE Supermom.

I see a lot of blog posts these days encouraging moms.  You don't have to be super mom!  You're doing a great job!  I know you're tired-- your work does not go unnoticed!

But what happens when you don't have any other choice?

Sure, there are plenty of moms who go over & beyond to make special teacher gifts & the perfect birthday invitation or Halloween costume.  But what about the mom who doesn't have time for any of that because she's simply trying to survive?  Trying to put food on the table & make sure her 4 year old isn't home alone while she's at work?

You ARE Supermom.

As a mom, I have it pretty easy.  I have a great kid who is pretty easy going, a caring husband who actively parents, cleans the house, etc, and plenty of helpful babysitters.  We even have someone to do some housework a few times a month. I also own a business, do marketing for another business, and volunteer at church.

I am BUSY, y'all.  I am tired.  Worn out.  If I quit anything I will be letting tons of people down.

But seriously... there are a zillion moms who have it way harder than me.  Every single time I pass our daughter off to my husband because I can't get her to stop crying, screaming, or if she just needs that stern daddy discipline that he's so good at, I think to myself, Single moms don't have this luxury.  They don't get this little reprieve.  What would I do if he simply wasn't here?

Or better yet, how would I pay the bills if he wasn't here?  Not only would I have this screaming kid, but I'd also be worried about how to pay the rent, buy groceries, school supplies, etc.

I wish I had the answer to fix it all.  A little twitch of the nose to take away those troubles.

I can't do that, but I can promise you... you ARE Supermom!

Sometimes surviving is all we can do.  Maybe your kid is wearing hand-me downs & worn out shoes, eating spaghetti most nights and spending every afternoon with his grandparents so you can work.  Keep it up, Supermom.  You are doing whatever it takes to provide.  To survive.  And that is valuable.  Your child is seeing your hard work & learning from you.

Smile.  You are Supermom, and you are already doing it all.

Dear New Mama: It Gets Better

When Hazelnut was a few weeks old I remember thinking, "Wow, it got better."  Things weren't awesome, but I finally got a bit of a handle on this whole 'raising a baby' thing.  I remember thinking, "I need to tell every new mama this!  I can't believe it actually got better!"

So to the new mamas out there... don't worry... it gets better.

I've made a point to say that to all the new mamas about a week or so after their child is born.  When we chat & I can hear the weariness in her voice... that's when I make sure to say, "It gets better."

The sigh of relief I hear afterwards.  The "oh my goodness... thank the good Lord..." sigh.

It gets better.

And sixteen months in?  It just keeps getting better!  At first, you're just getting to a survival state.  But after that... you soar!  Yeah, it keeps getting tougher, too.  But the good keeps getting better.

You see, you're tired & totally worn out now.  But soon, he'll be rolling over.  And then crawling.  And then that glorious day when he grabs onto your leg and doesn't let go.  Man, that's a great feeling!

Yes, it gets better.  :)

Survival. What I really felt the first 10 months of motherhood.

Sixteen months.  That's how old Hazelnut is now.  Looking back, I can't believe I lived through those first 10 months!  In a lot of ways, it was easy.  We bonded well & she got into a great schedule that worked really well for her.  She's generally a happy kid & is completely adorable.  No major sickness, either, which is huge!

But then on the other hand, it was really tough.  Mommy guilt was (and still is!) awful.  Terrible.  I tried to keep it at bay, but it was really hard.  Guilt that I couldn't get her to nurse.  Guilt that I didn't make enough milk.  Guilt that I couldn't hold her because I was pumping.  Guilt that I was playing online while pumping instead of looking at her.  Guilt that she had formula.  Guilt that I just wasn't sure what formula was best & hadn't done enough research to make a well-informed decision.  Guilt that I watched my favorite TV show instead of playing with her.  Guilt that it felt nice when she went down for a nap.  Guilt that I didn't have a 5 course meal prepared for her after her nap.

You get the idea.

It wasn't rational guilt.  It was all really high-strung emotions.  I was an emotional wreck for 10 months straight.  I remember driving in the car more than once & thinking "I shouldn't be driving right now.  I'm not in a good mental state."

My head was in a fog for 10 months straight.  I'm not really sure what it was.  I wasn't sad or depressed.  I had a great bond with Hazelnut, and I felt very loved & surrounded with support.  Overwhelming amounts of support from friends & family!  And Hazelnut slept through the night, so it wasn't from a lack of sleep.  I was just in a constant fog.  I couldn't think clearly.  I was just going through the motions of life.  Just trying to get through & make it until the next day without totally falling apart.

I also didn't lose any baby weight during this time.  I felt gross & fat all the time.  Constantly on the verge of tears.  I had friends that quickly lost all their weight, breastfed easily, and went on about their lives.  I felt like I'd just left the hospital.

I'd planned to take one month for maternity leave.  After a week I called my boss in tears & asked for an extra month, which she quickly agreed to, thankfully.

At 3 months I remember thinking, "I shouldn't still be in a fog."

At 6 months I started to feel it lift a little.  I started to feel just a little bit like myself again.  Just a glimpse.

At 10 months I finally threw in the towel with nursing.  I'd made it so far, fighting tooth & nail for every single ounce.  I felt far more overwhelmed than I did the night we brought Hazelnut home.  I just couldn't do it anymore.

And then it started to lift.  Little by little, the fog started to clear.  It still took months.  And crazy enough, I'm just now really feeling like myself.  She's sixteen months old!

Honestly, I've never heard of anyone else dealing with this, but I'm sure I'm not the first one.  So mama... if this is you, hang in there.  It does get better.  The fog will lift one day.

I still haven't lost all the weight... I'm 17 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  And writing all this down really brought back a flood of emotions.  But I survived.  I'm here.  And the fog is lifting.