Pet Peeve.

I try to be level headed.  I try to look at things from all perspectives.  But the one thing that really makes me grind my teeth is when someone can't comprehend that there is another point of view.

You know what I'm talking about... that person that thinks s/he is totally right all the time & that everyone else around them must be stupid.

The person that can't see beyond what's right in front of them.

The one that can't understand why anyone would do something differently than them.  Would believe something differently than them.

"She doesn't let her kid have candy?  That's so dumb."  Is it?  Really?  Ever stop to consider that she might have a reason?

"I would never let my kid do _______.  That's irresponsible & bad parenting."  Woah... don't even get me started there!

...okay... clearly I hear it with parenting a lot!

It's okay to have opinions.  It's fine to voice those opinions.  But it's not okay to dismiss the idea that someone else has a different opinion.  A different viewpoint.  A different reason.  You don't have to agree with them, nor do you have to condone it.  But you do have to realize that maybe, just maybe, they are doing the best that they can.  Understand that everyone doesn't believe the same as you about everything.

I admit, it can be hard to live this out.  And I'm definitely not perfect.  But hey, what would life be if we did everything perfect all the time?

What are your thoughts?  Are there subjects that you find it very hard to accept that others believe differently?  How do you handle it?

Survival. What I really felt the first 10 months of motherhood.

Sixteen months.  That's how old Hazelnut is now.  Looking back, I can't believe I lived through those first 10 months!  In a lot of ways, it was easy.  We bonded well & she got into a great schedule that worked really well for her.  She's generally a happy kid & is completely adorable.  No major sickness, either, which is huge!

But then on the other hand, it was really tough.  Mommy guilt was (and still is!) awful.  Terrible.  I tried to keep it at bay, but it was really hard.  Guilt that I couldn't get her to nurse.  Guilt that I didn't make enough milk.  Guilt that I couldn't hold her because I was pumping.  Guilt that I was playing online while pumping instead of looking at her.  Guilt that she had formula.  Guilt that I just wasn't sure what formula was best & hadn't done enough research to make a well-informed decision.  Guilt that I watched my favorite TV show instead of playing with her.  Guilt that it felt nice when she went down for a nap.  Guilt that I didn't have a 5 course meal prepared for her after her nap.

You get the idea.

It wasn't rational guilt.  It was all really high-strung emotions.  I was an emotional wreck for 10 months straight.  I remember driving in the car more than once & thinking "I shouldn't be driving right now.  I'm not in a good mental state."

My head was in a fog for 10 months straight.  I'm not really sure what it was.  I wasn't sad or depressed.  I had a great bond with Hazelnut, and I felt very loved & surrounded with support.  Overwhelming amounts of support from friends & family!  And Hazelnut slept through the night, so it wasn't from a lack of sleep.  I was just in a constant fog.  I couldn't think clearly.  I was just going through the motions of life.  Just trying to get through & make it until the next day without totally falling apart.

I also didn't lose any baby weight during this time.  I felt gross & fat all the time.  Constantly on the verge of tears.  I had friends that quickly lost all their weight, breastfed easily, and went on about their lives.  I felt like I'd just left the hospital.

I'd planned to take one month for maternity leave.  After a week I called my boss in tears & asked for an extra month, which she quickly agreed to, thankfully.

At 3 months I remember thinking, "I shouldn't still be in a fog."

At 6 months I started to feel it lift a little.  I started to feel just a little bit like myself again.  Just a glimpse.

At 10 months I finally threw in the towel with nursing.  I'd made it so far, fighting tooth & nail for every single ounce.  I felt far more overwhelmed than I did the night we brought Hazelnut home.  I just couldn't do it anymore.

And then it started to lift.  Little by little, the fog started to clear.  It still took months.  And crazy enough, I'm just now really feeling like myself.  She's sixteen months old!

Honestly, I've never heard of anyone else dealing with this, but I'm sure I'm not the first one.  So mama... if this is you, hang in there.  It does get better.  The fog will lift one day.

I still haven't lost all the weight... I'm 17 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight.  And writing all this down really brought back a flood of emotions.  But I survived.  I'm here.  And the fog is lifting.

Sigh of Relief & Independent Playtime

So last night while I lay awake from midnight - 4am, I did some reading.  When Hazelnut was a baby we followed Baby Wise, mostly, when it came to schedules & such & we loved it!  As with any child-rearing method, we read it, and then applied it with our own child's needs in mind.  Every child is different, and no single book can cover everyone.  But I hadn't read the toddler books in the series.  As Hazelnut is growing & testing limits, throwing fits, etc, we want to make sure that we're responding appropriately to guide her towards learning what is or isn't acceptable and everything that comes along with that.

At any rate, I went to a website of a woman who writes a ton of information on it & read up about Hazel's age group.

Most of the stuff we're actually already doing, which is cool.  I'd been feeling like this age is a transition more than anything, and that's pretty much what she wrote about.  Transitioning from foods prepared just for baby to eating what everyone else eats, starting to spoon feed herself, starting to say words.  She talked about expecting unpredictable behavior, expecting your child to test her limits, beginning to teach acceptable behaviors, picking & choosing your battles, and not freaking out if your child isn't hungry during a meal or doesn't like a certain food.

Honestly, it was a sigh of relief at 3am.  I've been a very worn out momma lately & felt like I wasn't doing a good job.  Sure, my kid is alive, fed, and generally happy, but there's a lot more to life that just getting through it.  We worked very hard when Hazelnut was a baby to figure out a schedule that worked best for her-- one where she would sleep well, eat well, and be happy during her awake time.  I loved knowing that she was getting enough rest & was enjoying her little life.  And as silly as it sounds, I was scared that we were throwing all of that out the window & were starting to raise a little hellion.  I mean, the girl can throw a fit if she wants to.  It's still pretty cute right now, but I know the cuteness factor in her fits is about to go away!  So it was nice to read that I wasn't throwing it all away-- that the things we had been doing because it seemed logical, were the same things that other parents had done & had worked well for them in the future.

The one thing I hadn't been specific about was what is called independent playtime.  It's a period of time each day that the child plays on her own.  For this age (16 months) they suggest setting it up in a baby-proofed room where the child can't see the parent.  I'm not particularly keen on that, but Hazel plays pretty well on her own, so we tried it in the living room while I got some work done in the same room.  They suggest working up to an hour of independent play per day.  With the exception of changing her dirty diaper & reading a book she brought to me, she's been playing for an hour by herself!  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with her being an only child, but it's so fun to watch her out of the corner of my eye.  She's testing her own limits, practicing balance (albeit, by standing on her rocking chair), and figuring out new ways to play with toys.

And?  I don't feel so guilty about getting things done.  I was starting to get into a cycle of guilt because I wasn't playing with her every waking hour.  Truth is, she does need me to play with her.  But she also enjoys playing by herself as well.  Exploring within her own limits.  She has a wonderful natural independence about her & I want to encourage that.  She definitely gets it from her daddy, and I love that about him!

I'm also thinking that this extra time will be great to get into some more parenting books.  One friend who I admire for her parenting skills & well behaved children suggested "Growing Kids Gods Way" so I'm definitely going to check that out, too!

Any other books that you've felt were very helpful starting in the toddler years?

The 7 Year Itch

Seven years.  Seven!  Today marks our 7th wedding anniversary and man, do I ever love that guy more & more every single day.

Ten minutes into our anniversary he asked me, "So, do you have the seven year itch?"

I laughed.  I was about to ask him the same thing.  Truth be told, I'd been thinking about it for our past two anniversaries.  It's not that I was scared, but just a little curious as to whether we'd feel that tinge.

And the answer?  Not at all.

Truth be told, I feel more attracted to him than I ever have before.  More in love.  More secure.  More like a family.  We've always been a team & we still are... but stronger.

We're definitely in a comfortable spot in our marriage.  At least once a week we'll accidentally wear matching outfits.  We come up with the same 'new' ideas at the same time.  It's great, actually.  One of us will have a wild idea and the other one is already on board.  We know what makes each other tick & try to avoid those thing.  We're not as headstrong towards each other.

Also?  We've started finding pictures of ourselves & can't remember when they were taken.  That's right... we're getting old.

We know the photobooth is in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, but we're not sure if we were married or not.  It kind of looks like Josh is wearing a wedding ring.  It was definitely a day trip.

People ask us a lot about how we do it.  What marriage is like.  How it is to come home to the same person every day for seven years.  

It's all God.  Keep God in the center, and everything else will work itself out.  And coming home to the same godly man everyday is a dream come true!

The only question Josh had for my friend when she handed him my number was, "Is she a Christian?"  When she told me that, I knew he was different.  I am so blessed to be his wife.

Debt & Working A Job You Hate.

"Debt will make you get out of bed & go to a job tomorrow that you hate.  And the only reason you go is to pay the bills & it's not because you enjoy what you do."  -Perry Noble

True words.  Within a months of becoming debt free, I started my photography business & Josh was able to quit his job to pursue what he really wanted to do... music.

Before being debt free we were both working in jobs that didn't make hardly any money.  We were working 60+ hours a week and had practically nothing to show for it.  Extra money went straight to debt, which was fine since we didn't have any free time.  We didn't want to admit it to ourselves, but we hated our jobs.  We couldn't quit or even take a day off to interview elsewhere because we had to pay the bills.

But then... divine intervention.  We finished paying off debt.  Soon thereafter, I was let go from my job.  I was really bitter at the time (it was unjust situation), but it was the best thing ever.  I found another job through a temp agency within a week.  I was making double what I made before & working less hours!

When you have more money & no debt, your options really open up.  Even though it was just a temp job, we soon decided Josh was going to put in his 2 weeks notice.    My co-workers thought we were insane because my temp job could end at any moment.  But we didn't have fear... we had a few monthly bills, and we had been able to save enough money so that even if we were both unemployed we could survive for at least a month or two.  And in the worst case scenario, we were sure we could at least find minimum wage jobs which would cover our necessary bills.

Do you have any idea how freeing that is?  That if it all fell apart, you would have two months to find at least a minimum wage job to keep a roof over your head?

But the thing is, it didn't end there.  While Josh was working out his two week notice, he got a call from a church in Virginia.  When he was interviewing with them, I interviewed & was offered a permanent position within the company that I was a temp for, and was offered $10,000 more per year than I was already making (doing the same job).

Pretty awesome.

It doesn't mean life is always easy afterwards, but being debt free does lift a huge burden.  It takes away a lot of fear.

We got out of debt using Dave Ramsey's baby steps & the debt snowball.  All the resources are free, but we found that reading Total Money Makeover was very informative beyond what the website says, and it also had tons of inspirational stories from families who were way worse off than us & managed to get out of debt!

One final note.  If you're thinking that it's impossible to pay off debt & also give a tithe to your church... wrong.  Trust God with the money He's already trusted to you.  It makes things infinitely easier!