Being Intentional

In this season of my life I am working harder than ever to be intentional about everything I do.  I've learned that I can't afford not to.

In the past, I'd built up a wall.  I would smile and be friendly, but not really get close to people because I was scared of being hurt or let down.  Despite being a social butterfly, really fitting in has never been my strong point.

This not only hurt me, it hurt others too.  When I wasn't being intentional about things, I wouldn't really thing before talking (or typing).  And of course, that led to saying (& typing) things that I didn't really mean.  Because I wasn't intentional.  I wasn't intentionally saying something negative.  It wasn't a deep rooted thought in my head... it was just a fleeting thought.  Almost like living in a fog.

It got really bad after Hazelnut was born.  I would be everywhere, hanging out with people, etc.  But I was never really there.  I was in my own little fog, going through the motions, saying & doing whatever to fit in.  Part of it was being a new mom, part of it was an old habit.

But thankfully, I've snapped out of it.  I've become more aware.  More intentional about everything I do.  Many times I give people really dumb looks.  It's because I'm thinking.  The wheels are turning in my head.  And even if it takes a few extra seconds, I am intentional with my answers, thoughts, and daily conversations.

It's easy to live in that fog.  Let life pass you by & never really fully participate.  But it's not healthy.

Here's to being intentional!  It's a lot of hard work, but you can't let life pass you by.