I know you now.

Some women post things when they are 6 weeks pregnant about how they've never loved anything more in their lives.

I was not that woman.

Before Hazel was born I didn't have a strong connection with her at all.  Even looking at the ultrasound pictures, it was hard to really imagine her, what she'd be like, etc, and it made it hard for me to form a bond with her.

Don't get me wrong, I loved her, but it was a necessary love.  I loved her with my mind, but not yet with my heart.

I was super excited for when she'd be born because I knew that then I could finally get to know and love her the way I wanted to.

When she was first born & they put her on my chest, I remember thinking, "Hmm... so that's my baby."  Of course I thought she was beautiful and everything else, but I still didn't feel that instant connection... I was sure excited to meet her, but mainly because that meant I could finally fall in love with her.

Five months in, I'm pleased to say I love her.  A really deep, growing, healthy love.

I love to look back on those first moments with her though.  The wonder & excitement as to what the future held for us... what was it like having a baby?  What would her personality be like?  So many questions, and a lifetime to answer them!

If you're pregnant, or even if you have a baby and haven't felt that deep connection yet, don't worry about it.  Time will bring that connection, and everyone gets it at different times!

I think those feelings led to being a pretty laid back parent, too.  At least, I'd like to think I'm a laid back parent.  We have a schedule and I guide her through life, but I don't worry over every little bump, or if she doesn't hit a milestone right on time.  If she's crying I don't rush to her instantly, and I make a point to let her learn things on her own (with guidance).

All in all, it's been a good five months!