15 May 2010

Why I don't have a cooking blog. aka: Cooking with the Fowlers

This was a little post I had planned out, but knew would probably end in disaster.

Disaster is such a relative term.

At any rate, this is what happens when I decide to cook something.  As with everything around our house, it usually happens on impulse.

(As for the pictures... I can explain.  I was trying to make them all out of focus.  It's something new I'm working on.  No, really.  Actually I was just doing it to see if you'd notice.  Yeah.  That's it... I did it on purpose.  And I don't want you to actually make this and gain weight, so I tried to make it as un-appetizing as possible!  Hope it worked.)

This is how you cook, Fowler style:

1) Impulsively decide to make a dish.  Because tomorrow is your anniversary, this dish is allowed to be very unhealthy.  Here, we've chosen Cinnamon Baked French Toast.

2) Find a good husband to go to the store for the ingredients.

3) Clean out the fridge.  Ours was mostly empty, but I didn't want to accidentally use this milk.

And the Gatorade needed to go, too.

4) Begin tearing tiny bits of crusty bread in a baking pan.  Or, if you're like me, use some hamburger buns that aren't crusty at all.

5) Find a larger pan.  You have too much bread.  Get that husband you used before and have him butter the whole thing.

6) Throw the bread you had in the other pan into the new one.  You were supposed to butter it from the beginning anyway.

7) Now crack some eggs.  About 7.  It's really great if that husband you got earlier can crack an egg with one hand.

It's entertaining, at least.

8) Pour in the whole milk.  Or, if you're like me, use skim milk and then throw some half & half in there.  Same thing, right?

*nodding head*

Of course.

9) Then comes the best part... sugar!  Make sure to use different utensils every time.  It's crucial to use as many dishes as possible.

10) Add in some vanilla.  But be careful... this stuff is tricky!  And when you add too much, that husband will get all upset.

11) Mix 'er up!

12) Pour this awesome gooey mixture all over the not-so-crusty bread.  If you like raw eggs, take you a bite.  It's mighty tasty.

I like raw eggs when they're mixed with other things.  Like cake batter.  Or sugar.

13) Cover the pan & put it in the fridge overnight, or at least for a few hours.  (I have no idea why, but this seems important.)

SIDENOTE:  It is absolutely necessary to use as many cups, spoons, bowls, etc. during this entire process.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I feel this is crucial.  It's a family tradition in my family.

14) Slice up some buttah.

15) Measure out some brown sugar.

16) Well, you took a little too long on the brown sugar; the buttah is starting to melt now!  Go ahead and put it in the freezer.  I suggest next to the strawberries.  It adds flavor like you wouldn't believe.

(Hey, Daddy!  Recognize that bowl?  It's one you bought us when we got married!)

17) Add some sugar, cinnamon, and maybe some flour, too.

18) Check to see if you have any nutmeg real quick.  That husband probably isn't too busy, so he can look for that if you have your hands full.

19) No nutmeg?  Start stirring!!

20) Quick!  Get the buttah out of the freezer!  Chop it up!  There are utensils made for this, but you probably don't have one.

20b)  So... plan B!  It's a horrible plan.  Throw it in the blender and hope for the best.  It's getting late and you really don't care at this point anyway.  When it's almost a powder, put it in a large ziploc bag and toss it in the fridge for the night.  Or, if you're like me and you don't have a large ziploc bag, just put it in a container in the fridge and hope for the best.

21)  The next morning when you're so groggy you don't even know where your camera is, take everything out of the fridge and sprinkle the powdery mixture on top.

22) Bake at 300-something for 45ish minutes.

23) Pour a large glass of milk.  You're going to need that much to wash it down with or your body will go into convulsions.  Trust me.  I'm not a big milk-drinker and I think I drank a half gallon by myself.


At this point, the husband you picked up earlier is probably going to divorce you.  They are delicate creatures and can only handle so much.  So put on some music they like and slow dance and smile while looking into his eyes.  He will like it, and may even stick around.


If for some crazy reason I haven't ruined food for you forever by posting this, you can hop over to The Pioneer Woman's website and make the recipe for real and see her great photography while you're at it!

1 comment:

wendy said...

I love the Pioneer Woman's Cooking Blog. I use her recipes alot. You are doing an awesome job on your own blog. I love it...

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